In therapy, PJ and I were introduced to something called The Sound Relationship House by our therapist who we love, and it has become one of the most helpful ways to understand our relationship. At first glance, it looked like a simple diagram, but as our therapist walked us through it, I realized it’s really a blueprint for how to keep love strong and steady. You will hear me talk about it a lot in this blog and I hope it helps a lot of you as well.
What is the Sound Relationship House?
The Sound Relationship House was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who have studied relationships for decades. Imagine a house where every floor represents a layer of a healthy relationship:
• Foundation: Love Maps is truly knowing your partner’s inner world and feelings.
• Next Floors: Fondness, Admiration, and Turning Toward Each Other – showing appreciation and being responsive to daily needs.
• Middle Floors: Managing Conflict & Making Life Dreams Come True – learning to handle disagreements in healthy ways while supporting each other’s goals.
• Top Floor: Shared Meaning building traditions, values, and rituals that make your relationship unique.
• Walls of the House: Trust and Commitment – the structure that holds everything up.
I think of it like this … the most important parts of the house is the foundation and the walls … so your relationship must have the those things to be salvageable. We came into therapy with some communication issues. We need some conflict resolution issues and she immediately told us that is workable. That’s one of the middle floors of the house.
She then introduced the model to us, she reminded us that every house needs a solid foundation and strong walls to stand. Which is true would you buy a house with a bad foundation? No!
PJ and I are blessed, we already have trust, commitment, and a strong foundation of love. Those pieces are solid, and they give us the security to work on the parts of the house that need a little fine-tuning.
For us, that area is the middle floor: managing conflict. Like many couples, we don’t always see eye to eye, and sometimes small disagreements can linger longer than they should. Our therapist encouraged us to think of conflict not as a crack in the house, but as a room that just needs better organization and care.
Understanding that our foundation and walls are strong has taken a huge weight off. We don’t have to question the strength of our relationship….we know it’s there. Instead, we get to focus on sharpening our skills in managing conflict: listening better, staying calm during disagreements, and remembering that we’re on the same team even when we don’t agree.
The Sound Relationship House showed us that love isn’t about perfection. It’s about building, adjusting, and maintaining the structure together. PJ and I have what matters most! The strong walls and foundation, and with therapy, we’re learning how to keep the middle floors just as steady.
I hope this information can help other couples out there. Until I decide to write again……
Truly Yours,
Day
